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Links
DON'T LOSE YOUR HEAD
Mascots...we know 'em...we hate 'em. Which is why it is so damned satisfying when one of these dopes makes a genuine arse of themselves.
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PIT BULL IN ENGINE
What do ya got under the hood? Two Hundred, three hundred horses...nah, just one dog. No one knows how he got stuck but the dog did some damage trying to get out. Check out the video here. Sit boy, stay....
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VIRGIN MARY SCAR
Some think drivers are nuts, some think its nuts to bungee jump, some think that I'm nuts for working with those three idiots, (I'm just taking the place down from the inside.) This guy is nuts cuz he sees the Virgin Mary in his ROAD RASH. And I'm sorry, but if you slide 50 feet it would a lot worse than this. Nutjob.
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WORLD'S LARGEST IMPLANTS
BOOOOOOOOBIES!!!! It's good to have a dream, somethig to aspire to. This chick has aspirations...of being STACKED! She's aiming for the unbealievable FFF. I hear that's some sort of record. Next stop, my world record attempt at longest nap using those funbags a pillows.
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RESCUE ME...FROM THE FIREMAN!!
This jumper HAD changed his mind, and while trying to climb down from the bridge, his hand slipped. Too bad the fire truck that was coming to save him was one second too late. Don't worry, he's not dead. Just really, REALLY hurt.
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BUSTED BY HER OWN DASHBOARD CAM
A police officer slams her cruiser into two parked cars. When a fellow officer asks her about the accident she denies everything...until it is all revealed by her own cruiser dashboard camera!
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INDIA BABY DROPPING RITUAL
From the Britney Spear's school of child raising. Here is a ritual practiced in India where babies are dropped from the roof of a building.
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FREEWAY SKATING
IS IT THE SHOES?! Ummm, yes it is. And the BILLIONS of oil dollars they have to keep their freeways in perfect shape. Good to see our $3.50 a gallon is goin to good use. These Saudi teenagers obviously know how to have a good time. Coming next week, Serbs doing this on his face.
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THE BILLY LETTERS
This dude wrote some of the most famous and infamous people asking for advice. Read some of the chilling responses. Billy also wrote The HAMS our response...send some pictures of your mom or sister, maybe she can be Hot Chick of the Day
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SHOCKING STORY
This reporter found this story...dare I say...really amuzing? No? SHOCKING!!! Oh that's just hilarious!
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DUDE HAS A HOLE IN HIS CHEST
Really....that's about all I can really say. Have a vomit bag ready. You know, like you're seeing Serbs for the first time.
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URINAL SURFING
Of all the places to go surfing in a trough full of urine...Chicago? No thanks
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MORE VOMIT FUN
I'm all for drinking...I'm even a more a fan of puking, and if I can puke and drink at the same time...wait no that's just gross.
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15 CAR PILEUP
A 15-car pileup shut down a Metro highway over the weekend. Hopkins Police released dash cam video that shows the chaotic accident. Since nobody was seriously hurt the official release from the police was HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER!!!
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PITCHER TAKES ONE OFF THE MELON
Notre Dame baseball pitcher Wade Korpi takes a line drive off the head. The radar gun picked it up off the bat at 100mph. He walked away fine, but its too bad he didn't get hit before deciding to attend Notre Dame.
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MASCOT BLOOPERS
Mascots...they're goofy, zany, and oh so horribly annoying! Except for you Goldie I love you! Check out these mascot bloopers.
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CELEBRITY OR NHL PLAYER
Who knew that under those masks hockey players closely resembled our favorite celebrities? Good to know if they ever have a Silver Spoons reunion that Marian Gaborik can stand in for Ricky Schroeder, and Alphonso Ribiero can...well like he has anything better to do.
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TENNIS TEMPER TANTRUM
BANG YOUR HEAD!! But not against your racket. I think this pro is trying to hit the webbing of the racket, but unfortunately the frame isn't as forgiving. Maybe he just wanted to sit for a little bit and bleed...because that has GOT to be better than actually PLAYING tennis.
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MAGGOT IN HER HEAD!
Come to beautiful Costa Rica! Swim in our crystal clear water! Shop in our exciting marketplaces! Take our maggots home in your head!? This thing is BIG, and GROSS, and might make you puke. This is your last warning.
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WEST METRO HIGH SPEED CHASE
A high-speed chase involving a bank robbery suspect snarled traffic and ended with a crash and shots fired in the west metro Friday morning.
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MORE GOALIE FIGHTS!!!
For the longest time I thought top ten lists were only for 10-year-old girls and David Letterman. In fact, in a top ten list of top ten lists this top ten list just might top all of those top ten lists. What? It's a top TWELVE list? That just makes it cooler. Oh yea did I mention? GOALIE FIGHT!
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DIRTBAG MOLESTORED BY BIGFOOT??
This creepy douche has a whole new reason he felt the need to try to pick up 13-year-old boys on the internet. BIGFOOT MADE HIM DO IT! The dirty, dirty hand of bigfoot touched him in his naughties, when he was little. Serbs was unavailable to comment on the accusation.
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PEEING DOG
You only get one chance to make a first impression, and this pug made one hell of one. No its not a drinking fountain, no its not lemonade. Ands PETA lay off on this guy for what happens to the dog...you can't say you wouldn't have done the same thing.
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I LOVE UCLA!!
Sometimes I wish they all COULD be California girls, especially if they all do this while sober. Just imagine what they would do drunk, maybe they'd even do Serbs.
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CLOSE CALLS!
Watch these videos where people come just about as close as you can get to getting taken out!
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EAGLE WOMAN
Can it get any better? Of course it can. It's Eagle Woman!!! When it comes to great local commercial talent I'll still take Fancy Ray, but Eagle Woman is right there.
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EAGLE MAN
Check out those low rates! Let's hear it for great local low budget commercials featuring men in eagle costumes, and women with super teased hair.
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GOALIE FIGHT!!!
But this isn't just ANY goalie fight. This goalie is Jonathan Roy, the son of Hall of Fame NHLer Patrick Roy. After the action started, he finally got into it. And is it just me or a goalie fight look like 2 fat guys fighting over the last Twinkie? Mmmmmmm Twinkies.....
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NBA DANCE TEAM BRACKET
Screw March Madness this is the only office pool you should spend hours pining over. Make sure you carefully study each team. Determining factors should be 1) stackedness
2)flexibility, and 3) jiggleworthiness. Wolfie girls you got screwed!
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CLOSE CALLS OF THE HIGHWAY PATROL
A police officer making a traffic stop is struck by his own motorcycle after it is plowed into by some idiot motorist. Hey jerky if you see that a police officer has somebody pulled over be grateful it ain't you and give the officer some room.
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BIG MAN
This dude makes Shaq look small? Kenny George from UNC-Ashville is 7'7" 360 pounds. And every single one of his girlfriend walks with a limp.
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BUTT IMPLANTS
Butt implants??? Is that what we've come to? These news anchors can't help but laugh, and I can't help butt (get it?) think this woman had it comin.
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POLE DANCE FIGHTING
Something so beautiful as pole dancing should never lead to violence. Unless it involves KY wrestling, jello wrestling, pudding wrestling, or ah never mind go at it ladies.
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MAYBE HE CAN GET IT TO COMB OVER
This man has set the record for the world's longest ear hair!!! That's it ladies I don't want to hear about my grooming habits anymore.
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GOPHER MIRACLE
Blake Hoffarber...is there anybody better suited to take a last second shot? Do you know how much trim is waiting for him back home! Watch this miraculous shot he hits to lead the Gophers over Indiana! Blake Hoffarber we salute you!
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REPORTER GETS OWNED BY SLED
Lets go ahead and film this shot right at the bottom of the hill. That way we can get a great up close shot.
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THE MOST POWERFUL HOOKER IN THE WORLD
She brought down a governor, she has a hit so....a song. and she looks GREAT in a bikini. Check out her pics page. Drop her a message, maybe you can be the next Client 9. Just remember to wrap it. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WRAP IT! You don't know where that 'squish mitten' has been.
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TWO FACED BABY
I bet the dad was really excited..."Great TWO more mouths to feed.." And the locals think this kid is some kind of god. Looks more like a devil baby. Hey...its hogging BOTH boobs! AT ONCE!
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YOU'RE ALL GONNA MISS ME
Watch out Chad Kroeger, President Bush can sing. In a closed door banquet he pokes fun at himself by song and with pipes like that, he could be some sort of country singer. Possibally a Judd.
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REPORTER GETS BEATEN UP
Its hard to make a joke at something like this, but I'll try...When are you people going to do this to Shaver and wipe that smug little smile off of his face!? WARNING: This Video is Graphic and should not viewed by children, those with a heart condition, or Packer fans.
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OHH QUEEFING!!
As far as old ladys go, Sue is pretty damn cool. This caller needs to learn to be half as cool as her. IT'S QUEEFING!
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RHINO MUSICAL APTITUDE TEST
Alright music trivia geeks here is your chance to score free cds for life and be crowned Geekus Musicus Maximus. The contest begins this Friday March 14 at 8:00
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SHARK ATTACK
Top of the food chain. Little Shark 54, a 50-pound female White Tip Reef Shark, spent 20 minutes in the jaws of Jesse, a 300-pound Sandtiger Shark
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IMPALED ON A HOCKEY STICK
14 year old hairless Connor Hanson was impaled on his hockey stick. That would be a hell of a splinter.
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NEWSCAST FIGHT
I understand that Randy has had a few tense momments like this.
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SHE GOT TEETH DOWN THERE
This would make for a great abstinence film circa de 1960something...careful Billy that filthy girl has teeth down there!!!
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STREAKER GET LIT UP!
I heard that sometimes cricket matches can last for days at a time. After half the crowd fell asleep, this was a good reason to pay attention. Those Aussies can really hit. That's not a tackle...THIS is a tackle.
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SNAKE CHARMER
Watch this newscaster in Dallas flip out when a harmless lizard jumps on him.
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ELEPHANT MAN! KILL IT!! KILL IT!!
You know, at the right angle, he looks like that clone of Ripley in Alien: Resurrection. "Killlll...meeeeee.....killlll meeeeee...." At least he's better with the ladies than Serbs.
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HOT MAYOR GETS CANNED FOR SEXY PIX
In a perfect world, she would be mayor for life, as long as she spent all of it in this outfit. This is why small towns don't work, people have too much power, and all the luck. But she has turned this into a money making oppritunity. Buy an autographed photo right here. And Fellas, she's SINGLE!
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EYEBALL TATTOO
Wow, you have the bluest eyes I have ever seen. As far as body art goes, this might even top this. If you've ever had a tattoo you have to wonder what the scabbing was like.
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FOOD FIGHT!!!
What a waste of perfectly good egg salad. 47-year-old Tracy Firsching was arrested at a Barak Obama rally for trying to have a picnic with him...then things got just a little out of hand.
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WHEN GARY BUSEY ATTACKS
How did Gary Busey get time off from working at the car wash to crash the red carpet at the Oscars? Laura Linney and Jennifer Gardner look absolutely terrified. Ryan Seacrest...probably jealous he didn't get a smooch. But let's give Busey a break it's not like he has a history of this type of....ahh I can't even finish that sentence.
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WINDOWS XP MUSIC MIX
Someone has WAY too much time on thier hands, and no I don't mean Serbs. This kinda catchy tune was made completely from computer sounds. Now all he has to do is get a life and a girlfriend and get laid. Then he will truely be a man.
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SCOTT IAN PLAYING GUITAR HERO, OR TRYING TO
This Anthrax rocker has a little trouble going from 6 strings, over a dozen frets, and having to use 4 fingers at once, to only 3 little buttons. At least he doesn't throw the guitar across the Best Buy. I'm pretty sure the look down on that sort of thing.
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AWESOME SLO-MO KARATE CHOP
The wonder of the human body, despite what this video looks like, his hand dod NOT break. Just shows ya that slow-motion makes EVERYTHING better!
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CHRISTINA AGUILERA IS STACKED!
I promise, this is the only time you will EVER see a clip from "Ellen" on this site. Buts its worth it to see this former pop princess who got knocked up and didn't end up a train wreck. I'm lookin at you Britney!
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POLICE BEAT DOWN
The office in question here was fired for this. He says she just fell...INTO HIS FISTS! And I'm sure the camera just had a low battery. WARNING: The video looks like something from the Richard Zednik video.
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WHEN SODA MACHINES ATTACK
The machines are revolting!!! A soda machine soaks this old woman. Be careful during your many trips to the snack room today. I overheard the coffee machine and refridgerator conspiring.
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LOOK DADDY A HORSIE!!!
Don't get behind that horse kid...ah well he had it comin. No I don't care if he's four years old, heed the warning boy!
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POLICE BEATDOWN
Video of a guy getting clocked by a Minneapolis Police Officer. Excessive force or justifiable? You be the judge.
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NBA WEDDING REJCTION!!
I can just hear Marv Albert now... "He runs in, to center court. Down on one knee....He puts up the question. It's good if it goes!! REJECTED!!!"
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NICK NOLTE DRUNK (SUPRISE SUPRISE)
It was a long day of interviews for Nick. This interviewer has to put up with inebriated actor. At least he didn't pull Joe Namath's "I wanna kiss you." No means no Nick.
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COUGAR HUNTING
Perhaps the most elusive and untamable animal in the dating jungle...the cougar. They have an insatiable appetite for educating poor younger men in the ways of lust. You most often can track these creatures by hanging around until bar close at your local TGI Fridays.
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CELEBRITIES WITHOUT MAKE-UP
Next time your girlfriend says that actress on TV is WAY hotter than she is, and starts feeling like a uglier version of Serbs, show her this. It'll make her shut up. And its about time too.
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ROCK AND ROLL FASHION?
Just cause you live the rock and roll lifestyle that doesn't mean that you can't look FABULOUS!!!! Matt Sorum has embarrassed the entire Rock Community with his clothing line. I haven't been this angry with Guns & Roses since The Spaghetti Incident.
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GLASS SYMPHONY
You know that there is some jerk in the audience who is dying to scream out "play Freebird!!!" there's always one. And if it is you...knock it off!
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PARTY ANIMAL
You know sometimes you go to a party and the host has a cute little pet looking for some food, or somebody to pet it. Yeah a dog, a cat, a hamster fine...a lion? That's a little bit different.
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COP ARRESTS FIREMAN
Looks like that annual charity softball game is going to be a little more heated. This Fireman got hauled away becuase of where he parked his FIRE TRUCK during an emergency on the freeway. Just goes to show that cops suck, except LTP. Check out the Raw Dash-cam video here.
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OFFICER PAPI
Yes sir Officer Papi I will not call you Papi. Further proof that crack don't smoke itself...Papi!!!
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SKATEBOARDING IS NOT A CRIME
RESPECT MY AUTHORITY!!!! I'M NOT MAN!!! I AM NOT A DUDE!!! We all know that kids can be smart mouth punks (shut up you are) but maybe this police officer went a little too far. My favorite part is at the end when he says if I find myself on YouTube....
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POLICE DUMP PARAPLEGIC
Tampa Bay Deputys are in some trouble after dumping a man in a wheelchair to the ground.
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LUMI-TAINT
The things some people will do to get on TV. Some eat cockroaches, some marry complete strangers, and some endorse completely ridiculous made-up products. I guess this lady REALLY needed a clean back door.
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BORED FIREMEN
This may be the future of flying cars. It's eco-friendly and affordable. On the other hand, you could never go further than the corner of the block. But at least then your mom could still take it to work.
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DEFENDANT PUNCHES HIS ATTORNEY
This guys already headed to the joint, so whats another few years. I would think that getting that appeal in motion is not gonna be very likely. Nice right hook though.
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MOST SINCERE-SEEMING CELEBRITIES
Here is a list of the most sincere-seeming celebrities compiled by a bunch of sheeple. I would sincerely like to tell you that if you believe this list...in all sincerity, get a life! I'd also like to sincerely tell you that I have sincere feelings about making sincere love to Jennifer Gardner and Natalie Portman.
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POOL STUNT ENDS PAINFULLY
Didn't your parents ever tell you about horseplay around the pool. Obviously these kids are swimming in the shallow end of the gene pool.
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PANDA ATTACK
See what happens when the most adorable of creatures attack! It's so cute!!!
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HEATH IN A COKE DEN
 The footage was recorded at Los Angeles' famed Chateau Marmont Hotel where actor John Belushi died of a drug overdose in 1982.
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THE BLIND LEADING THE BLIND
Pretty sure that Barack Obama lost Stevie Wonder's vote when his wife Michelle let him fall while brining him on stage. Yeah pretty sure you might want to let the blind man know that there might be a step up or two
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CAR FLIP
Alright lets all lift on three...one...two....wait you set the break right?
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IT'S FOR YOU
Man those telemarketers always call at the worst time don't they. This news broadcast is interrupted by an untimely cell phone and horrible dancing.
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GAY/BLIND WHATEVER
Anybody can climb a mountain...but it takes a gay mountain climber to be a hero. He's what? Oh well you can see how i got confused.
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SUPER ADS
February 3rd, 2008 will go down as one of the greatest nights in television history. Amazing things occurred that millions of people witnessed all over the world as one. Oh yea, and that game was pretty good too.
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TOUCHDOWN CELEBRATION GONE WRONG
Lets see I just scored a touchdown. Now how do I celebrate in a way that lets everybody watching know how amazing I am? Oh! I know!!!
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EXTREME JAYWALKING
Didn't mama tell you to look both ways dude? Check out this security guard who almost gets destroyed by a race car.
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TWISTED FEMININE HYGEINE COMMERCIAL
We're really not gonna take it anymore. By the way if you're experiencing itching, burning, or that not so fresh feeling it was probably from the time you were on the Twisted Sister tour bus back in 1983.
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KARATE CHOP?
Shhh...sensai needs ultimate concentration as I break this stack of bricks with my fists of steel. Concentrate...CONCENTRATE!!!! OWEEEE!!!!!
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QUEENSRYCHE CONTEST WINNER
RICK FORSGREN of the band Rockfist won the sing with Queensryche contest Friday and he blew the doors off!
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BIRD REVENGE
Ok we all know what's coming but that doesn't keep it from funny!
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MITT GET A CALL FROM THE GOVERNATOR
It's good to have a presidential candidate who has a son with a sense of humor. Next stop is having a MASSIVE house party while while dad's visiting the Middle East. Then he'll be a rock star, just like Chelsea Clinton.
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SNOW DAY PHONE CALL
Note: Next time school isn't called off, do yourself a favor and call the school officials at 3 AM and complain. I promise, NOTHING bad will happen. In fact, it might just make you famous.
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PRESIDENTIAL PAINTBALL!!!
Survival of the Presidential fittest paintball style. Fun and games without the whole treason thing.
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ESCALATOR SKI RUN
What do you ski on??? Snow??? Ha Ha! This X Gamer skis down an insanely long escalator in London
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LAYING THE LIGHT SLAP DOWN
Check out this horribly vicious old lady-on old lady city council beat down. Ok not really but nice acting job lady.
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BIG MOUTH
Man's most fearsome beast...the pelican? Watch as this bird comes out of nowhere to inhale an entire LIVE duck whole. I once dated a girl who could do the same thing.
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CALENDAR GIRLS!!!
What I don't understand is that there are women that look like this walking around campus and everyone at the U of M wants to talk about Gopher Basketball? Prioritize people!
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EXTREME MAKEOVER HOM...OUCH!
HELLOOOOOO BROWN FAMILY!!! This mom is gonna need more than a home makeover after her face meets the concrete. So while her family spends the week in Mexico, she'll get to spend it in the hospital. Don't worry, they'll send a postcard.
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AUSSIE PARTY
Take off your glasses and apologize...for being the coolest party animal of all time man!!! But seriously...it's not 1988 anymore take off those glasses.
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21 FOR KIDS
Mark Parrish, good hockey player, better softball player, hell of an accomplished drinker, and charitable guy. You can meet Mark at The Fieldhouse in Crystal tonight7-9. Aid in his charity to help fight Epilepsy.
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SILENT BUT DEADLY!
Sorry couldn't help myself...check out this moron who opened fire on some people who laughed at him when he farted.
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THE NUTTY BUDDY
Disclaimer...if you try this at home you're a complete moron!
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COOL PLATES
We all know that there is nothing more annoying, pompous, and douchebaggie(???) then some jerk that has a vanity plate on their Hyundai. Check out some clever plates.
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DEAL OR NO DEAL
Show up from 9:00-1:00PM at Denny Hecker's Toyota in Inver Grove Heights to try out for Deal or No Deal! Get a chance to win ONE MILLION DOLLARS! That's one million trips to the naked bar...OR ONE KICK ASS ONE!
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LITTLE THRILLER
If a big Michael Jackson molested young boys (allegedly) does that mean that a little Michael Jackson molests full adult males (allegedly)? And if there is a little MJ is there then a little Tito...Hell I want an all little people Jackson 5 tour...and so do you!
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MR. SKIN
Natalie Portman, Halle Berry, Estelle Getty??? Whichever young Hollywood starlet you've ever died to have dare to bare it! Mr Skin. our favorite organized pervert can tell you where to find her!
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DENVER HAS SENSITIVITY
Apparently in Denver only dumb construction workers are racist, as shown in this city sensitivity training video. Check out a clip of it here
How can they start those jokes then not give the puchline...that's the REAL crime!
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MEET THE NEWEST TWINS PLAYER!!
The Twins may have lost the face of the franchise in Torii Hunter, we might lose Santana and Nathan, but at least we picked up a player with some character. And we know he can throw accurately...well at least when he throws bats. Welcome to Minnesota Delmon.
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BOBBY NIGHT HUNTING VIDEO
At least he didn't have a chair to throw at the guy. Maybe Bobby and Dick Cheney should start hunting together. they have a lot in common. They're fat. They're white. They love to swear. They've both shot people.
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LONY TARUSSA....SOTALLY TOBER!!
Card's manager Tony LaRussa looooves his booze. And this cops dash-cam catches the action. No Tony, I don't want a drink....
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KILLER CONDOMS
It's the condom that rubs you out! I told you not to wear those things.
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MEN WHO LOOK LIKE OLD LESBIANS
Classic website featuring the most feminite of the masculine, who mirror the most masculine of the feminite??? I need to sit down.
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IS IT ILLEGAL TO CUT GRASS???
This video is a classic. Hold on officer I've been drinking all day! I don't use the word hero often but thanks to this man I have faith in humanity again. Is it illegal to cut grass!!!!!!
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JUST REPORTING A DRUG BUST THAT'S IT
All right you have made it as a street reporter for a major news station and you landed a huge assignment. Now try to maintain your composure while this is going on.
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WHEN FRISKING BECOMES FRISKY
Are you sure you don't have any drugs on you. Cause I can keep patting you down all day. And then maybe if you're free later tonight?
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HAUNTED WEDDING VOWS
There is evil out there all you sinners. And apparently it wants to hit the open bar, eat salmon, dance to YMCA and then have sloppy sex with the drunk bridesmaides. Check out this video of a special guest at an anniversary party.
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TODAY'S WEATHER FORECAST
Partly cloudy with a slight chance that your children will be molested? Has something like this ever happened at KARE 11?
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CHEERLEADER
This sexy cheergal get nailed by the whole football team... Not THAT kid of nailed you pervert. This is a family show. She even takes down the player that smacks her. With skills like that she could play in the Vike's secondary!
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THE KITNA'S HALLOWEEN COTUMES
John Kitna and his wife are a little bit of trouble. Dressing up as an embarassing, incriminating event in a Lion's assistant coach's life is probabally NOT a good idea. Its a good way to get punished by the team...but what punishment could be worse then actually having to PLAY for the Detroit Lions.
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25 MOST AWESOME HORROR FILM KILLINGS
Just in time for Halloween it's the 25 most awesome horror film killings. Starring Michael Myers, Freddy Krueger, Jason, Chucky, Pinhead, and The Killer Clowns From Outer Space.
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GREAT FOOTBALL ENDING
One of the most sensational endings IN THE HISTORY of sports. All that was missing was the Stanford Marching Band.
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MORNING SHOW MOON PATROL
Oh those wacky Canadians will do anything to expose themselves on live television, and I'm ok with that. Do you think Al Roker ever thought about pulling this stunt while Katie Couric was still with The Today Show?
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PLAYBOY CASTING CALL
Attention all you sexy Gopher girls. Playboy magazine aka the Holy Bible is in town casting for photo shoots for their Girls of the Big 10 issue. Now is your chance to make it in this life cause let's face it all that fancy book learning ain't doin you no good. If interested in setting up a meeting call (312)401-7343.
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VAN HALEN-UH JUMP...I THINK
Sad, oh so sad. Is this what we've all waited 20 years to hear? But hey at least it wasn't Wolfgang's fault.
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THE ORIGINAL-HAI KARATE
Long before AXE Body Spray came along there was one scent that made women lose control. And apparently made men have to violently defend themselves against a night of sweet sweet love.
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YUM YUM
See they could eliminate this problem if they allowed snack time during senate meetings. Then maybe Kevin Rudd wouldn't have to resort to eating...um...his earwax. Ok no it's still gross.
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FINGER LICKIN' BUTT KICKIN'
This incredibly brave and lucky KFC manager holds off a robber at gun point. Son you done made Colonel Sanders proud! Now go get me a two piece and a biscuit.
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NICK SCHULTZ THROWS DOWN
Check out our little man Nick Schultz doing the Half-Assed Morning Show proud by taking it to Ryan Getzlaf
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HOW CHRIS CROCKER GOT STARTED
Hilarious video of a mom scaring her kid to death. Oh by the way the kid was singing Britney Spears...lil' brat had it coming.
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MAURY POVICH RULES PART II
You thought the pickle girl was an idiot? Beware the COTTON BALL MAN!!! Coming to theaters this Halloween!
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MAURY POVICH RULES PART 1
We all know that women are completely irrational, inferior creatures. Now ladies before you take classes on how to use a computer so you can write me hate mail watch these videos. These women are terrified of completly ridiculous items, and Maury Povich throws it right in their face.
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ROCK THE CURE
Rock the Cure is an excellent organization that raises funds to preserve breasts...by raising funds for Breast Cancer Research. Check out their website for some cool events in October.
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MADDEN CHALLENGE 07
So you think you can play some of that new-fangled video game football? Test your might this weekend at the MOA Rotunda.
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HORNY OLD LADY
She may be 95, but it's good to know she can get a job with almost any carnival or circus in the world. Which goes to show that senior citizens, although slow and dangerous behind the wheel, can still serve a purpose.
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DANNY BONADUCE IS A PUNK
Ok I have no idea who Jonny Fairplay, and I don't know who Danny Bonaduce thinks he is. But some serious stuff went down at an otherwise totally lame reality tv awards show. Watch Bonaduce toss Fairplay like a ragdoll.
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SUICIDAL MR. MET
The NY Mets blew a 7 game lead in the final month of the season. It was a little too much for Mr. Met. It's good to have friends like the Phanatic.
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BECAUSE PUKE IS FUNNY
You think that Bob Barker or Weeb Eubanks ever spewed projectile vomit on a contestant. Watch this Swedish game show host spray and come back like a true champ.
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WOW WHAT A GREAT LADDER
And it can be yours for three easy payments of $29.95...that is unless while using it you fall and say shatter your pelvis or rupture your spleen or whatever happened to dude here.
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THAT'S CALLED KARMA BILLY
And it's a B. Professional jerk and totally mediocre baseball player Milton Bradley tears his knee to pieces during an argument with the first base umpire.
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YOUNG SHAVER
Don't know how he found it, don't know why he went looking for it but JAson bless you for finding this video of a very young AssMAN Randy Shaver, before time and working for us turned him into a hideous and bitter man.
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HIGH PITCHED VOICE
Watch this interviewer lose his stuff while listening to this high talker
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CAMPUS GIRLS CALENDAR
Seems like a few U of M students are going to have a hard time paying attention in class. With these girls sitting nearby, I know I wouldn't get anything above a C...except maybe for DD. Seriously though, get a calendar. It goes for a good cause.
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GREATEST PRANK EVER
Keep your eyes peeled for this during every Viking home game this season, only difference is we did it on purpose.
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ON THE CATWALK
Oh the catwalk yeah I tripped and fell and looked like a dumbass on the catwalk. Maybe I'm just horribly immature but there is still nothing funnier than when arrogant people take a tumble.
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NOW THAT'S A RIVALRY
If ever there were a case worthy of the death penalty it should go to Allen Beckett. First of all for being a OU fan, and second for um..TEARING A DUDE BERRIES OFF!!! Disclaimer: The 93X Half-Assed Morning Show does not advocate this method of violence unless it's used on one of those annoying Green Bay Packer Fans.
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UM THANK GOD SHES GOT BRAINS SUCH AS
bim·bo 1. a foolish, stupid, or inept person
2. Disparaging and Offensive. an attractive but stupid young woman, esp. one with loose morals
3. this dumb broad um a such as this one from South Carolina
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BRIDGE TOGETHER
There are about ten venues involved already and a number of sponsors. All door money from participatin locations will be donated along with all funds raised from raffle tickets. So have check out where you can go to have fun and contribute to a most worthy cause.
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MINNESOTA HELPS
The Minnesota Helps -- Bridge Disaster Fund™ is a collaboration of local funders to facilitate local contributions to disaster relief efforts. The purpose of the fund is to collect contributions and distribute them effectively to help the victims, rescuers, and families affected by the bridge collapse.
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STEPHON MARBURY IS JUST PLAIN CRAZY
Only Stephon Marbury could take an interview where he is being praised and the host is falling all over him and still come off like a total jerk.
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THE BAD HABIT BOY
This kid is laying the groundwork for living the rock star life. Cigars, beer, but where are all the hookers?!
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HELEN KELLER TAKES A TUMBLE
Ah now this is an actress commits to a role. An actress portraying Helen Keller takes a tumble off of a stage. Ah blind people...don't worry I didn't encode this in braile so they'll never know we are picking on them.
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BARD GARRETT SLAP
Apparently not everybody loves the guy from Everybody Loves Raymond. Brad Garrett takes a slap at some paparazzi scum, which they all deserve, so long as you hit the right guy. Garrett hits some camera man after being called a racist.
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NEWS REPORTER GETS THE GIGGLES
An accident leaves three people dead...hilarious! Note to all of you aspiring news anchors out there. If you are covering a tragic story about people dying, maybe you should compose yourself before you go on the air hmmm? Way to go Jay Warren...moron.
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VICK CHEW TOY
Fido gets revenge on America's favorite dog-fighting quarterback.
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FIRE IN THE HOLE
All of you YouTubers out there here is a disclaimer. If you pull the Fire in the Hole prank on our fast food workers, there will be utter chaos! My curly fries will be onion rings, my Big Mac will be coated in saliva, and I won't be able to enjoy my lemonade without worrying if urine content is higher than usual.
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WACKY MASCOT ANTICS
Yet another reason why to fear team mascots. Check out this video of The Mariner Moose running over Coco Crisp (stupid name) of the Boston Red Sox (wicked stupid team wicked stupid fans). Maybe we can get TC the Twins mascot to fire a crossbow through Gary Sheffield next time the Tigers come to town.
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WHEN PIANOS ATTACK
Dude takes a crack at a piano and nearly knocks him cold...that's ok bro I can't play chopsticks either.
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CNN VIDEO OF TRAGIC 35W BRIDGE COLLAPSE
OUR HEARTS GO OUT TO ALL OF THOSE WHO WERE HURT AND LOST THEIR LIVES YESTERDAY AS A RESULT OF THE 35W BRIDGE COLLAPSE. CNN HAS RELEASED VIDEO OF THIS TRAGIC EVENT HOPEFULLY THAT MIGHT HELP US UNDERSTAND WHY IT HAPPENED.
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OJ SIMPSON
Maybe this could be our newest HAMS segment...ask a double murderer. Check out OJ Simpson fielding questions from listeners. Good call Juice maybe your next speaking engagement should be at a victim's support group. I'm sure you;ll be received just as well there...or anywhere for that matter.
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NO IM NOT DRUNK THEY JUST REALLY ITCH
Seriously officer I haven't had anything to drink they just really itch!!! Check out what this DUI asked a cop to do. Would LTP help a brother out.
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HORRIBLE HOLLY HUNTER INTERVIEW
Attention to all of you aspiring Entertainment reporters out there. 1. Be prepared. 2.Listen to your interview. And D. Know what station you work for. Do these things and you'll be far ahead of Merry Miller during her interview with Holly Hunter.
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GLOW BALL
It's the new drinking game that's sure to take Garage Ball gaming to new heights!
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JAVELIN TOSS
Ok here's the plan I'm gonna take this huge spear and toss it as far as I can. You um, just sit there and try not to get hit...ready??? OH YOU BLEW IT!!!
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JINGLE JUGS
Gentlemen (and curious ladies), we all remember our favorite pair of jugs, Jenna Jameson, Pam Anderson, Al Roker back when he was deliciously heavy. For me it was Gina Gershon in Showgirls. Now imagine if we could mount those hoo hoos up on the walls of our bedroom, bathoom, or classroom, oh and they Jiggle to the Jingle!!!
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IRRITATING DATING SITE
IBS, or Irritable Bowel Syndrome, and Chron's happen to be diseases that makes life difficult for many people. If you are somebody afflicted with these diseases and want to meet somebody like yourself click away.
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CHILD ABDUCTION SUSPECT
Minneapolis Police are searching for a female suspect after an attempted abduction Monday afternoon at the Minneapolis Children's Hospital.
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I LIKE TURTLES!!!
Yes don't we all! Check out this reporter interviewing the zombie kid with a reptillian love affair. Say it loud!!! Say it proud!!! I LIKE TURTLES!!!
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THE GEEK SQUAD
Can't figure out how to clear the history on your web browser before your wife/girlfriend come home? Don't panic The Geek Squad is here to help solve all of your computer porn storage questions and more! They have the looks, the know how, the Volkeswagon Beetle all they need are those proton packs that The Ghostbusters have and they'd be my new hero.
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DUDE HAS A HOLE IN HIS CHEST
BEFORE HE WAS ASSMAN
CLASSIC MOMENTS IN TV VOMIT # 1
CLASSIC MOMENTS IN TV VOMIT #2
CLASSIC MOMENTS IN TV VOMIT # 3-THE PROJECTILE CHRONICLES
CLEAN AND JERK GONE HORRIBLY WRONG
BRAVE COPS SAVE JUMPER
PRISONERS DO MC HAMMER AND SOULJA BOY
PRISONERS PERFORM THRILLER
NEAR JET CRASH VIDEO
CAN YOU PUT THAT INTO THE FORM OF A QUESTION
VIDEO: Obama, Osama
PROTECT YOURSELF...AND THE REST OF US
PENGUINS BMW COMMERCIAL
TOILET TRAINED BOBCAT
THE 10 CRAZIEST MOMENTS IN SPORTS FAN HISTORY
I WILL FALL AND DIE IF YOU DO NOT CLICK ON THIS VIDEO!
BIG MAC!!!
I FINALLY FOUND A REASON TO WATCH THIS TERRIBLE PROGRAM
SENSUAL INTERSPECIES MASSAGE
KID ROCK AND TOMMY LEE THROW DOWN
MILITARY TASER TRAINING VIDEO
I GOT YOUR GOOD SPORTSMANSHIP RIGHT HERE
WAYNE BRADY ON THE CHAPPELLE
JAKE BROWN INSANE X GAMES CRASH
IT'S HARD TO COME HOME ...