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Suicide Fail
A 22-year-old man tried REALLY hard to kill himself by jumping out of a 39th floor window. Once gravity took over, all was going to plan. That is, until he landed on a Dodge Charger and survived. He is listed in critical condition, but only suffered a broken leg, shattered ankle, and a collapsed lung. Yea, I use the word "only" pretty loosely.
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X-Girls Model State Fair Gear
Some of the lovely ladies whom we employ here to look pretty and smile at us stopped in to show us the new threads you can pick up at the State Fair. Maggie, Sarah, Dani, Whitney and Sam put clothes on, instead of the usual, taking them off. Get to the fair early. These things will go fast.
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David Draiman and Dan Donegan In-Studio 8/17
Two of the most intense rock stars we have ever known stopped live in studio, answered some of your questions, and talked about the new album and their concert tonight (Tuesday) night with Avenged Sevenfold, Stone Sour, Halestorm, HellYeah, and 3 other bands.
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Whale Shark Takes a Crap
Evidently a whale shark pooping is a pretty big deal. Scientists have never been able to accurately study the contents of a whale shark's crap. Considering the size of the shark you can only imagine how huge his poop is. It's the white stuff directly to the aft of the fish and it is spectacular.
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Cheating Couple Falls Through the Roof
Last week, a 24-year-old guy in Aberdeen, Scotland, met up with his mistress, a 19-year-old chubby named Alex. These two dirty Scots decided to climb up onto the roof of a vacant store to get-it-on., but while they were on the roof doin' it, the metal roof COLLAPSED . . . and they fell 10 feet down, into the store below.
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Funny Looking Mugshot
This 63-year-old TSA employee was arrested for threatening a Somali man in the Cedar Riverside Neighborhood. Too bad this guy won't be able to get back to his job as the alcoholic Santa Claus in the new production of Rudolph the Black Livered Reindeer.
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Listeners Mustache Gallery
Nick and Josh are finally sporting their Tom Sellecks and they are asking for your support. If you email us your mustache photos, we will add them to this gallery. Keep the photos family friendly and be sure to sport your favorite Twins gear. We might even pick the best one in September and give you a cool prize…but probably not.
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The World's Most Shocking Beer
A Scottish company has brewed only 12 bottles of a 110 proof beer, called "The End of History." Each of the bottles sold for $765. Let me say that again....$765! It's not the alcohol content or the price that makes it unbelievable. Its that each bottle is wrapped in road kill. Drink up!
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Greatest Wedding Dress Ever
Wow...sign me up for some nuptials with her stat! Wonder how a complete dumb-ass like him got a hottie like that. I'll tell ya, massive...MASSIVE wallet.
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Jayden Cole In-Studio 7/16
It's Sheik's anniversary, and we know what that means...a porn star in-studio. A few years ago, it was Stormy Daniels, then Carmen Hart, last year it was Jessica Drake, and today we welcomeed Jayden Cole into the building to make Ross sweat profusely, and make us all question our relationship statuses.
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Viking Cheerleaders In-Studio 7/15
The best reason to go to a Vikings game, other than Number 4 obviously, stopped in-studio to get you all excited for another season of disappointment...I mean success and show off their brand new swimsuit calendar.
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Randy's First Pitch
Town ball teams will do nearly anything to get people to come out and see their games. Hell last season Waconia had Ross do their PA announcing. But this year, the Brownton Bruins had a special fundraiser going all year long. For every double they hit, money was donated to Randy Shaver Cancer Research and Community Fund. Well, on Tuesday night the Bruins invited Randy out throw out the first pitch. We still don't have any video. If you have it Email it to us.
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Amazing Crash Photo
Two teenagers decided to take this Chevy Impala for a joy ride early yesterday morning ended in a fatal crash when the car smashed into a utility pole killing the 17-year-old driver and his 14-year-old passenger. That makes 25 people ages 16-19 that have died this year. That pace will nearly double the total from last year. Expect Captain Langer to talk about all you stupid kids who seem to enjoy killing yourselves on Minnesota roads this year.
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Let's Get Denarded Jersey
One loyal listener sent this photo in during our vacation last week and I think we need to rush these into mass production immediately.
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Toe-Thumb
Last November, 25-year-old Shannon Elliot of East Moriches, as walking down the street when a car drove past and someone inside threw a lit M-80 firecracker at her. It exploded and destroyed the forefinger, middle finger and thumb on her left hand. The two fingers had to be amputated at the knuckle and the thumb had to be completely removed and replaced with her big toe.
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Chinese Teacher Offers Sex to Japanese Students
This 24 year-old college history teacher is so upset of what happened when China invaded Japan in 1937 she really wants to do whatever she can to make up for it. Which apparently is not limited to having sex with her Japanese students. OK, I guess it's completely limited to that. I need to go back to school, move to Japan, take history, and turning Japanese, I said I'm turning Japanese, I really think so!
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Home Depot Thief Twists Testes
After Home Depot security saw 30-year-old Robin Roberts steal several things they confronted her. She responded by shoving one of them to the ground, fleeing, and then as she attempted to escape the store, she grabbed a guards nuts and twisted with all her might. Just thinking about that makes me wanna puke.
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Real Life Herbert the Pervert!
This 94-year-old....that's right 94-YEAR-OLD was busted for public sexual indecency, aggravated assault, and child molestation. This was all capped off by being caught in a garage that wasn't his, with a vacuum 'attached' to the front of his pants.
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Dogs in Disguise
Asians love to do all the trendy things first, no matter how insanely weird they are. Take this for instance. Who in their right mind would pay hundreds of dollars to make their Golden retriever look like a Tiger? Well, maybe Weasel, but that's really it.
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Fired for Being Too Hot
Citibank employee, well former Citibank employee Debralee Lorenzana has been fired from her job for being too distracting at work. No she doesn't yell when she talks of has unusual body odor, she is just too smoking hot. And yes...yes she is.
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Old Ugly Mugshot
This old Iowa City guy was arrested and charged with indecent exposure after pleasuring himself in front of an Arby's. Yea, I know what those fold of roast beef look like. Just do it in your own house.
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Turtle Boy LIVES!!!
Why is it whenever we see these people with REALLY strange growths they always hail from China? I mean what is it about that place that causes...ohh the pollution and complete lack of EPA standards....right. Anyway, this kid, who bullies labeled "Turtle Boy," had this thick skin removed from his back, but not before using the cover of night and the sanctity of the sewers to defeat a mysterious clan of ninjas known as "The Foot."
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Is Chris Kluwe James Van Der Beek?
What ever happened to James Van Der Beek? After Varsity Blues came out in 1999 he kind of disappeared. About that same time, an upstart punter appeared at UCLA and turned his success there into a successful NFL career and a semi-successful rock band. I think the photos speak for themselves. You decide.
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PiiSchuterz Girls In-Studio
For our last broadcast in the cities before we head up to Breezy Point for our Fish 'n Chicks, the lovely Pii Schuterz girls joined the guys and tried to get the last of you losers to come up and spend the weekend with us. Don't worry, they will be there too.
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Celebrities If They Were Fat
You know those hot celebrities you drool over everyday, watching them on MTV, E! Network, and through your binoculars and hidden bathroom cameras? Well now think of them if all they ever ate was cheeseburgers, onion rings, and buckets of Crisco. Here's a visual...you're welcome.
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Kid Saved By His MASSIVE Ears
This kid fell out this eighth story window and survived. Why? He never hit the ground. His head became wedged between the bars of a safety cage by his ears. Will Smith would be proud.
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Jared from Subway In-Studio
OUR MYSTERY GUEST WAS JARED FOGLE FROM SUBWAY!!! He stopped in to talk about his story of weight-loss and the new breakfast sandwiches. Go to Subway tomorrow (April 30) between 7am and 11am and get a FREE breakfast sandwich. Ross swollowed 2 of them while you read this. They were VERY tastey.
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Granny/Grandson Love Affair
Love, sex, and marriage...Keep it in the family. Once this 70-year-old grandma finally met her long lost grandson, she thought what better way to make up for the last 25 years was to have his baby.
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Funny Pot Smoker Mugshot
This is allergy season and some people have a tough time with....Ross. So when you get busted for being all looped on on the happy-hash and it's this time of year, just claim allergies. Not sure if they'll buy it, but it's worth a shot.
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White Guy Robs Banks as Black Guy
Conrad Zdzierak used this mask to rob five banks in Ohio and what a mask it was. It took the cops a very long time to catch him, becuase face it, that mask looks pretty darn real.
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Ugly Female Sex Offender
If you were a 14 year old boy and you were propositioned by a 31 year old woman, what would you do? Well if she looked like this, I won't do anything at all.
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Vikings Cheerleaders In-Studio (Again)
Jessie and Pam joined the guys to talk about how their try-outs for the new season went and their swimsuit pageant Sunday Night. It's only 10 bucks and anyone can come. That's what she said.
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Northstar Roller Girls
Chick fight!!! The ladies of the Northstar Roller Girls stopped in to talk about their final bout this weekend.
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Mug Shot Grandma
This 64-year-old grandmother has been charged with second-degree assault after cutting her granddaughter's ear with a kitchen knife after an argument over a jigsaw puzzle. And her I thought the only violent family altercations involving at home entertainment were caused by Monopoly.
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Girls Attempt to Have Blackmail Sex for Rent
These two lovely ladies were a little behind on their rent, so they hatched a plan. It involved exchanging their bodies for a place to stay, while simultaneously ripping off their landlord through the art of blackmail. He went to the cops and it all backfired when these minxy coeds went down.
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Crazy Mugshots
It's Friday and that calls for a series of crazy stories involving even crazier criminals. These mugshots tell the story...OK, so they don't tell the story, the stories do, but these photos are still entertaining.
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Miss Chubby 2010
Italy takes care of their fat women. They recently held their Miss Chubby pageant and crowed their winner who weighed in at a hefty 375 pounds. She didn't win any money...she won something much more satisfying...CAKE!
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Busty Topless Streaker!
This GUY took time to run out on the field and disrupt a soccer match with his massive boobies. Honestly, I don't know how to feel about it.
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Josh and Nick's Mustache-Fest
We will be taking photos of Nick and Josh's facial hairs every day for the next month to show you the growth of their herpes cushions. Hopefully we can put together a cool time-lapse video of the whole ordeal up until September 1st's Weird Al concert at the State Fair.
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Funny Jewelry Billboard
This jewelry store might cause a couple accidents with all the double takes this sign causes. It's her ring finger people! It's like I'm in 2nd grade all over again.
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Burnsville Mugshot
This Burnsville School janitor was busted for taking photos of young girls and has been charged with invasion of privacy and possession of pornographic materiel involving a minor. And a work to the accused...shave it off or get a rug.
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Parachuting Donkey
Beachgoers in Russia were mystified by the sight they saw last week...well, maybe not mystified. This is Russia. They see stuff like this everyday, right?
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Miss Car Craft In-Studio 7/15
They very sexy Miss Car Craft, AKA Chrissy Wood, stopped live in-studio and used her...umm...powers of persuasion to get us all to come see her as well as over 6000 equally amazing cars this weekend at the State Fairgrounds.
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Horned Guy Mugshot
As bad as your day might seem, remember two things: tomorrow is Friday and you are not Jesse Thornhill. He was arrested yesterday for trying to run over his landlord in a car. One thing he has going for him is that if he is assaulted in jail he can just use those awesome horns to fend off his attackers.
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Even More Amazing Car Crash
Yesterday we showed you a photo of a Chevy Impala that was barely distinguishable after 5 kids took it for a joy ride and wrecked it, killing two of them. During a pursuit Sunday, Santa Monica, California Officer Damon Badnell lost control of his squad car on a slippery road and wrapped it around a tree. He survived with a few broken bones. Which, when you look at the photo, is a freaking miracle.
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David Draiman In-Studio
One of the most intense rock stars we have ever known stopped live in studio to talk about the new album, the problem in the gulf, and their tour with Avenged Sevenfold, Stone Sour, Halestorm, HellYeah, and 3 other bands. The first stop in the Uproar Tour is on August 17th right here in Minneapolis.
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Graph of Unwanted Erections
Looking at the data, I can deduct that the embarrassment of getting a boner is inversely proportionate to the age of 16. So right now I'm somewhere in the completely mortified section, and it's all downhill from here.
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Hooters Girls In-Studio 6/17
The very lovely Kirby and Sam dropped in on this hallowed Hooter's Eve to remind us all of exactly why we need to go to the Hooters Bikini Car Was tomorrow in Burnsville. I just hoped they would have brought in some free wings.
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Kluwe at Randy Shaver's Golf Tournament
On Monday Kluwe participated in Randy Shaver's Golf Classic. Since it wasn't on Xbox 360, he didn't play that well, but he was paired with Laura Schara (WIN) and did win best dressed. If you can't see it that well, that's a Kilt comboed with a Tuxedo Tee.
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Gary Coleman Murdered?
The "always reliable" Globe has gone the way of the National Enquirer and has started to work their way toward real news. Apparently the real crazy things that are happening are more incredible that Batboy Gives Birth to Satan. They have it on good authority that Gary Coleman was murdered and have the photo of him on his deathbed to 'prove' it.
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Carlton College R2-D2 Prank
Give those Northfield kids some credit. They showed those Oles across town that they have an incredible sense of humor without defacing property. Now if they only had a giant Princess Leia next to the observatory tell it, that Obi-Wan is her only hope.
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Porn Star Murder Suspect
Stephen Hill, AKA Steve Driver, is wanted for murder after 'allegedly' taking a machete, which was a prop on his porn set and killed one of his co-workers and injured two. Hopefully no porno queens were injured and all the boobs survived.
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Insane House Explosion
This jilted cabbie decided it was time to end things with his girlfriend, so he figured he blow up her house. Unfortunately he didn't time things well and let the house go up while he was still inside. As police and firemen arrived they were surprised to see him crawling out of the wreckage laughing like a maniacal madman.
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Fake Nipples
Ladies, are you tired of no one seeing enough of your nipples? Do you ALWAYS want to look lke the "turkeys are done?" Then these are for you. My advice? Save the money and get some ice cubes.
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Fishing Opener Pics @ Breezy Point
A weekend away was just just what we all needed, so that's what we did. The HAMS headed up to Breezy Point on Pelican Lake for the 1st annual Fish 'n Chicks. We drank, fished, drank, played golf, and drank some more. We don't remember much, so it's a good thing that we took a lot of pictures. We took out the most incriminating and share the rest with you. Enjoy.
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Woman Attacks Husband for Bad Sex
This woman attacked her husband with a scissors for being bad in bed and by the looks of her she should be happy he even got in bed with her in the first place. Let's play "How old is she?" If you're guessing over 35...you are WAY off.
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How Does the Editor Miss This?
Being that this is a college newspaper and this involves seniors, this HAS to part of a senior prank. After all, there is NO WAY this was done by accident.
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Ewe Won't Believe This Surfer
Do you think this guys is ever going to regret this particular photo, but it's not what you think...Mildred the sheep is the only surfing sheep in the world.
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Crazy Pot Smokin' Old Lady
This crazy old lady got nabbed back in 1980 for smoking the wacky-tobacky, skipped out on her warrant to Canada, and SOMEHOW she totally forgot about it, so when she tried to come back into the states she got nabbed. On by the way, shes 72 years old and by the looks of this photo, she LOVES her bong and her booze.
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Minnesota Reptile Show In-Studio
What a day it was in the 93X studios this morning as snake guys Matt Martin and Jason Cruse from the Minnesota Reptile show came in-studio with a 20' Reticulated Python, a Bearded Dragon, a baby alligator, a big effin tortise, and a 14' Green Anaconda which decided to poop everywhere. Whatever it was, that anaconda don't want none.
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Ice-T's Wife Getting Waxed
Ice-T'S wife Coco got a bikini wax recently . . . and for some reason, she decided that we needed to see some pictures. So she posted them on Twitter.
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Funny Mugshot
This sex accused sex offender has that look that tells you something. Like "Look at the size of that inmate there...I'm positive he's gonna rape me."
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Vikings Cheerleaders In-Studio
The VERY lovey Lissa, Bailey, and Sarah from the Vikings Cheerleaders stopped in studio to make our Intern Ross sweat a little. They are holding auditions tomorrow (April 10) at Winter Park. Ross didn't make the squad but maybe you can.
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Ironic Car Crash
You've been in an accident...what do you do now. This lady should know now, as long as she can read upside down.
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